Raising Resilient Kids so they can weather life’s storms

This is a great article I picked up from http://www.raisingresilientkids.com.  At Victim Services we see a lot of bad things happen to people and a lot of amazingly resilient people……This is some great advice on teaching your children to be resilient.

Resilience, which literally means, “bouncing back”, is the capability to readily recover from the aspect of trauma, adversity, threats, tragedy and other considerable source of stress including family problems, relationship issues, severe health conditions or job and finance related stress factors. Analysis shows that resilience is not necessarily an unusual quality of a person. People commonly exhibit resilience by not allowing adversity to get them down, but rather rise above hurting or disastrous things happening in their lives, believing that these are momentary condition of events.

 Resilience does not immune a person to the severe effects of life’s troubles and difficulties. Stress and loneliness consistently struck people who are experiencing major hardship in life. Truly, the process of resilience entails great amount of distress!

Significant harm can be inflicted to the children of a troubled family. However, resilient people take this as challenge to experiment and exercise how to respond actively and productively. The preemptive response of the children to adversity is repeated overtime; it incorporates into the children’s inner selves, and serves as lasting energy. The experts raised inquiry regarding the amount of resilience that is genetic. In a sense, people somehow differ in their inherent ability to handle stresses. However, resilience can be developed. There is a big possibility to build up inner self and faith in oneself, defining self as able and proficient.

Underlying Factors

Resilience involves several factors. Its main factor is to have caring and helpful relationship in the family and its surroundings. Relationships that generate atmosphere of love and trust; provide good examples, and offer support and reassurance would help boost resilience in a person. The other factors that are related with resilience include the capability in making practical plans and taking action to execute them; positive outlook of self and confidence in one’s strength and ability; aptitude in problem solving and communications skills; capability to handle strong feelings and severe impulses.

Strategies to Build Resilience

Development of resilience is personal. People react differently to life’s stressful and traumatic events.  The approach of one person in building resilience that works for him, may not work to another person because people varies in his or her approach.There are approaches that reflect cultural differences, which might affect the impact on the way he or she expresses feelings and dealings with adversity. There are several other approaches to consider that can be the most appropriate way to develop personal strategy in building resilience.

4 Best Tips on Teaching Resilience to your child

Is being resilient good for children? It is common for children to experience setbacks, unwanted challenges, failures and even difficulties at school. How are the children coping with these?

Resilience is the ability to take control of self during difficult situations, failures, challenges, and setbacks. Resilient children are those who are able to effectively handle any pressure and get things done, despite obstacles.

If resilience is good for children, how then can we help our kids to have it as parents? Here are four best tips on teaching resilience to your child that work.

Tip # 1 – Give our Children Undivided Attention

Quality time with children is not just being with them physically. We must give them undivided attention by listening with our heart. When we give our children attention, they will feel important. They will be confident that they trust and depend on us in handling their situation. As parents, we would know if our child is upset or emotionally disturbed.

Tip #2 – Put Yourself in Your Child’s Shoes

If what you planned did not materialize and you feel really bad, what do you usually do? Often, you will tell about it to your spouse or your best buddy. And, what is the most common reaction? Normally, they will tell you that it is okay and you can try again next time. There is nothing wrong with the response. However, it is not what you want to hear. You want empathy and assurance that they will be with you until you are able to recover from your disappointment.

Your children also need these things when they are down. They don’t want lectures or advice. Letting them know that you understand them and you are willing to support them will teach them resilience.

Tip # 3 Never Judge or Criticize Your Children

Accepting your children for whom they are is the one of the best ways to make them resilient. If you truly accept your child for whom he is, you will never judge or criticize him.

Well accepted and appreciated children become more confident and strong in facing any obstacles in life. If they know that they are not criticized for the way they are, they become more appreciative of themselves and do better in life.

Tip # 4 Determine Your Child’s Strengths and Develop Them

Not all children are the same. Each child has his own strength and weaknesses. Find out the strengths of your child and develop it. For example, if your child is good at music and craft; develop it and don’t make him excel in math or science. Help your child know his strength to promote resilience in letting him know that he excel in something.